Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
