if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
