I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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