im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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