After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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