you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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