You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
