So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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