i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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