Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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