all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
