I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
