I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
