you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
