Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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