I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
