I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
