Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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