I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
