We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
