I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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