I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
