There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
