Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
