can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
