I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
