im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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