I don't remember. Are we still dating?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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