Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pants are for mortals
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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