Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
