apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
