so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
being pregnant is like rehab
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
