Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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