I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
