I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
