Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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