please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
