The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you would pick up someone in the library
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
