wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
