we have officially lost it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
