He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
