do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
