whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
