Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
