I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
