He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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