My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
