Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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