Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
