wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
