I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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