Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He shit in the fireplace
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
