Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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